I was never the pretty nor the popular one. I’ve always been just… average.
So it was no surprise that ever since grade school, my crushes would almost always have a crush on my best friend or another friend (or worse, a girl I disliked), which doubled or tripled the ouch factor.
Once, a guy I just met even told me that I was not pretty enough.
So over the years, and after a string of heartbreaks, I became a cynical romantic.
Any time I would start to have feelings for a guy, I would withdraw in fear half-expecting (and concluding) that it would just end in heartbreak.
For me, with the exception of my family and a very few close guy friends, most men were superficial jerks.
Amused at my unfriendliness
Austin was one of those exceptions.
I met him at work in 2009 or 2010 and although I was not exactly very friendly during our first meeting, he looked surprisingly amused by my unfriendliness.
I think he knew right then and there that I was a “pikon” person.
Tease and annoy
And sure enough, during the weeks that followed, he enjoyed teasing me and even annoying me!
We became fast friends. And the best part of it was he made me laugh. Occasionally, I would also confide in him about matters of the heart.He said he did not regret persistently teasing me and annoying me because accordingly to him, getting to know the real me was worth it.
He said he was amazed on how sweet I was in real life and how calming I was when he talks to me. Immediately, I fell for all his sweet talks.
Fast forward to April 2010. We both belong to the same team within the company. The friendship continued and the teasing even got worse because my office cubicle was right behind his. Or sometimes he would intentionally come to me when he arrives after dealership cover.
He was still my trusted confidante and I think he was the only one brave enough to be more straightforward and not sugarcoat his advice to make me feel better.
He practically knew everything about my love life then!
I, on the other hand, being a little younger than him, secretly enjoyed being taken care of and occasionally scolding him or giving unsolicited advice about his past dating life.
The ‘what if’ question
And then came instances when different colleagues suddenly asked us the “what if” question. Like, what if we ended up together?
We found it so funny, we laughed so hard.
And he, being the “alaskador,” said I was not his type and that I’d be lucky if he courted me! Due to our closeness, we were often mistaken as a couple and people did not believe we weren’t dating because we were always together.
Of course I was quick to answer back. He was a good looking Chinese guy and he’s the first handsome to ever attempted to date me. We normally date and go out after work. But we would never admit it to people. He never told me directly how he felt towards me so I just kept on waiting. I told myself that I am ready. With complete confidence and certainty, I said, “I would immediately say yes when he asks me to be his girlfriend!”
This was in 2010.
Guess what? Sometime in 2011 or 2012 he got married. But not to me.