This was me until 2 months ago

I love this song! Totally describes me.

“Dear No One”

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I’d love to have a soul mate
God will give him to me someday
& I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

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I want this to be the song in my wedding video

“I Choose You”

Sara Bareilles

Let the bough break, let it come down crashing
Let the sun fade out to a dark sky
I can’t say I’d even notice it was absent
Cause I could live by the light in your eyes

I’ll unfold before you
What I’ve strung together
The very first words
Of a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you
I choose you
(Yeah)

There was a time when I would have believed them
If they told me you could not come true
Just love’s illusion
But then you found me and everything changed
And I believe in something again

My whole heart
Will be yours forever
This is a beautiful start
To a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you
I choose you

We are not perfect
We’ll learn from our mistakes
And as long as it takes
I will prove my love to you

I am not scared of the elements
I am under-prepared, but I am willing
And even better
I get to be the other half of you

Tell the world that we finally got it all right
I choose you
Yeah
I will become yours and you will become mine
I choose you
I choose you
I choose you

 

Daniel Matsunaga awarded as the PBB ALL IN Big winner

Source: https://ph.celebrity.yahoo.com/news/daniel-matsunaga-is–pbb–all-in–big-winner-214526874.html

After almost four months of staying inside Kuya’s house, Brazilian-Japanese model-actor Daniel Matsunaga emerged as the big winner in the finale of “Pinoy Big Brother All In” on Sunday, August 24.

His victory made Daniel a millionaire.  His prize package consists of P1-million cash, a business franchise, a condominium unit an Asian tour.

Daniel shed tears as he went on stage and hugged his family.

‘Craziest experience’

“Dahil mahal na mahal niyo ako. People know na I’m not Filipino but I’m a Filipino at heart. ” Daniel replied  when asked what made him win in the reality show.

Daniel, who described his PBB (Pinoy Big Brother) stint as “the craziest experience” in his life, got 11.69% of net votes.  Second placer Maris Racal received 3.1% net votes while actress Jane Oineza placed third with -0.73 of the net text votes.

Jason Abalos’ girlfriend, beauty queen Vickie Rushton placed fourth (0.78 percent of net votes) and went home with P200,000.

I once had a picture with him here in the office and I was totally mesmerized and star struck by him. GOSH he’s so handsome!

Babies-Age-Family

At a very early age of 23, I told myself that I have 2 years to prepare in having a family. I’ve never felt so excited in having more responsibilities added to whatever burden I have right now. 

After my ex-boyfriend left me, I know to myself that everything I have planned for will go down the waste, which is why it is more painful than him cheating on me. Its actually the preparation that went to waste. All the hopes and the dreams I’ve ever dreamed of, its all going down somewhere when I don’t even make sense now. I think I should probably get to my point. 

I kept on denying to people, even to myself that whenever I come across people getting married, having babies and starting a family I feel this twinge in my heart. I may not be as ready as people think I am. I myself am doubting in the readiness I have in myself. Financially, first and foremost, I know I couldn’t bear a child yet, with or without the support of a father. 2nd, I believe that almost 100% of the women I know who gave birth didn’t say it was an easy one. Most of them actually tell me its the crying of the baby when it comes out is just the consolation prize of the pain you felt. 100% of the women I know who gave birth didn’t want to have another child any time soon. It was too painful and too hard to tell. I am scared of pain. 

Lastly, no matter how much I wanted a baby of my own, I KNOW IN MY HEART that I wanted to get married first. What is it about all these teenage pregnancies, (no offense to my friends, I love you all) and waiting? I’m not saying that I’m trying to be righteous and perfect. Its just that if you wanted to build a family, why not get married first? If you’re after the pleasure of sensual sensation then make sure you do not get pregnant because its the baby who will suffer. This is probably the reason why God didn’t give me shocking pregnancies. Its probably because He knows that I will only drag an innocent down to a mistake I made and brought upon myself. 

For the friends I have who’s able to read this, don’t get me wrong. I love your babies and I think they’re all cute. Its just that I am speaking for myself. And I couldn’t bear dragging an innocent baby down just because I couldn’t sustain the decision I made for myself. And I couldn’t bear the additional disappointment I will give my parents just because I made them lolo and lola at a very early age. 

I’m actually scared that the later I have a baby, the riskier it gets for both our health. I wish things were easy to accept. I couldn’t wait to be mom. I want her to be the reason why I would save myself from being totally destructed from my wasted self. I self pity a lot my dad said. But its probably because I do not want others to pity me in real life.  

5 Things to Say the Next Time Someone Asks Why You Aren’t Married

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nimati-emam/5-things-to-say-the-next-time-someone-asks-why-you-arent-married_b_4574495.html

Is it your career? Are you too picky? Are you secretly in love? Do you have issues? Are you sad?

A lot of people, especially from my extended family are always asking me whenever we meet for reunions “Why are you not YET married?” If I could just answer each one of them like why, who wouldn’t want to???

I could write a book about all those awkward moments when people — sometimes strangers — start this type of conversation with me. Once you hit 30, if you are not married, the reflection of your life in some people’s eyes starts looking similar to The Hunger Games, where marriage means survival… and helping you becomes everyone’s destined mission. The awkwardness starts when those who ask refuse to settle for a casual and simple answer to such a complicated question, questions that require deep introspection (and preferably, not an audience).

I took a stab here at what goes on in the mind of an unmarried girl when she’s asked this question. Unmarried guys, feel free to relate (or not).

1. We are waiting for that someone we can live with and can’t live without.

Cheesy, but true! While some people meet this person early on in life and are thus spared the social nag, not everyone has the same life path, and this is where problems start. Some girls would prefer to be with no one rather than end up with the wrong one, regardless of how old they are. But as we age and find ourselves still without a partner, it starts to seem that we are falling away from that unified, one-size-fits-all master plan and that we are wasting our lives. Some of us give in to the pressure to settle… and some of us don’t.

2. Some people think of marriage as the future insurance policy that frees them from doubt and regret. I beg to differ.

Marriage does not extinguish regret and it doesn’t transform a man you don’t really love into “The One.” Marriage is not a spell that kills demons of regret and doubt. Choosing someone for the sake of getting married now and falling out of “love” in a few years merits as much regret (if not more) than wasting opportunities on dating the wrong person.

Unless you have something great that you are completely, entirely and wholeheartedly convinced of, mentally and emotionally, guilt and doubt will start creeping up and marriage will not magically change things. So, if regret is inevitable in the logic of some, at least let people choose what to regret!

3. Some people are not married yet because they value marriage a lot.

Remember the quote in the movie “27 Dresses”? “I think you want a wedding, not a marriage, a wedding.” This is exactly what some people delaying marriage do not want. They don’t want the idea of getting married; they want a strong and healthy marriage. People generalize that those who aren’t married are the ones who don’t appreciate settling down and being committed. It could be that those people understand the concept so well that they want to make sure they choose correctly.

Those who take their time are aware that life is not only about the wedding, the honeymoon and the first couple of years, and they are realistic enough to understand that love doesn’t come after you get married — well at least not the kind of love they want. They understand that things will get real and that “for better and worse” is literal and should last a lifetime.

4. We teach our girls to be dependent because of an entrenched social belief that women can’t or shouldn’t do it all alone. Well, some girls (this one included) were taught differently!

When the nagging subject is a man, he is being pressured because society wants him to procreate, while with women, society wants them to be safe. We socially accept the fact that men have every right to choose when to get married — when he is ready and when he has accomplished and seen enough. Women, however, are forced to start racing towards the golden cage, not trained to listen to their needs or wants or to even choose the pace of their own life, believing they have to secure themselves a partner, no matter the cost. Instead of believing in the potential of our girls, encouraging them to work, find a career they love, find a purpose in life, find their strengths and use them for the greater benefit, we make them believe that the journey to knowledge is over with a BA and that the next mission is to get married. If a guy comes along, a girl should consider him, regardless of what her plans are. Of course if we keep doing this to our girls, they will most definitely be incapable of doing it alone.

5. Getting married is a choice, and any choice is a trade-off.

Like Sheryl Sandberg said in the final chapter of Lean In and professor Joan Williams’s theory of Gender Wars, maybe we aren’t all entirely comfortable with all of our decisions. I doubt any of us is 100% confident in everything we are doing. As a result, we unconsciously hold that discomfort against those who remind us of the path not taken. Guilt and insecurity make us second-guess ourselves and, in turn, judge one another and our decisions, and this is harmful.

It seems to me that society pushes the idea of getting married to an extent where our judgment gets clouded and we start downplaying the negative opportunity cost — what you choose to let go of or put up with — and we end up fixated on getting married, no matter what.

Is this all? Certainly not! Would it satisfy the asker? Probably not. Would it give them a headache? Definitely, and if you are lucky, they will secretly realize that maybe they should ask you about your favorite color instead, or not!

Having a Coke with You by Frank O’Hara

I forgot where I heard about this. I just remember falling in love with this. 

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it