I decided that since we’re on the cusp of a new year, there was no time like the present to share my top ten favorite quotes from my book, The Single Woman: Life, Love, & a Dash of Sass. 2013 was a big year for me, as it saw the release my first published book…but I think 2014 has the potential to be an even BIGGER and BETTER year for ALL of us…in life, career, and love. So as we look ahead to a new year, a new chapter, and a new beginning, let’s make a resolution to make this the bravest, boldest, most fabulous year EVER! Here are a few quotes to inspire, encourage, and motivate us as we say farewell to 2013 and welcome 2014 with flash, class, and a dash of sass…
One day, I met you. The next day, I fear you. For I know the moment I saw you, you had me at hello. No words could describe how I feel that moment. Its probably some sort of fear for which I know is caused by pain. I told myself that I do not want to undergo that same trauma again. So I just kept on waiting – for I know the feeling will fade in time.
As time passes, I realize that it is not you who’s lucky to have me – it’s me feeling blessed having to met someone like you. Materially, there’s nothing we could brag about you, no riches, no material thing to show off to people. But what else is there to brag about but this feeling you make me feel? This overwhelming feeling of attention, concern and love you give? What more could I ask for?
One day, you will find out that all those things people keep on gossiping about us, all those people who are out to get us and stop us, are actually signs that we shouldn’t be together. Not because we don’t match materially, or in social status but because I do not deserve you for I am very broken and rotten because of my past.
Maybe one day, someday, God will give us the chance to be together – when its the right time, with the right perception and mindsets of people. I don’t want to keep my hopes up but I know in my heart that its all I ever have to keep this going. I don’t want to let go. But sometimes, its better to wake up to reality.
Will you ever miss me when I’m gone? I just wonder.
In a perfect world, you’d treat your friends like a saint 24/7. But you’re human, and sometimes you mess up. Maybe you spilled your friend’s secret after you swore to keep it on the DL, or you blurted out something hurtful in the heat of the moment.
Deep breath: Your friendship is not doomed. “Most of the time you’ll be able to fix the problem, but depending on what happened, you also have to be prepared for the possibility that your friend is just too hurt to reconcile,” says Carlin Flora, a friendship expert and author ofFriendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are.
Take these steps to let your girl know that you realize you made a mistake-and you want to patch things up ASAP.
1. Craft your apology. Let’s say that you often ditched your friend for a guy you were dating, and now that your relationship with him is kaput, you want her back. It’s important to consider what your exact apology is going sound like-and really think about the wording-before you approach her. “Otherwise you could find yourself rambling and apologizing for the wrong thing, which could make you feel uncomfortable and throw you off track, thereby worsening the problem,” says Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of The Friendship Fix.
In this case, the “wrong thing” could be that you apologize for dating the guy. But chances are, that’s not what you’re sorry about. The more nuanced-and accurate-version is likely that you weren’t sensitive to her feelings and ditched her without saying sorry. Be sure to zero-in on your message before you talk to her so you clearly present your case.
2. Show some emotion. You’ve been pondering a lot about what to say, so it’s tempting to just bust in and rapid-fire your apology out so that you can get the whole “My bad!” over with already. Don’t do it! You need to give her time to process what you’re saying. Slow down and start the talk by telling your friend how much you love her and miss her. “If you begin by saying something like, ‘We need to talk,’ or ‘We need to hash things out,’ it will trigger fear, and she is more likely to immediately close up or become defensive,” Flora says. “But if you go straight for the emotional appeal, she’ll be more primed to want to work things out, so you’ll be able to have a more truthful conversation.”
3. Ask how she feels. After you say your part, ask your friend how she feels, Bonior suggests. Something like “I’m sure I made you feel pretty awful” will prompt her to elaborate on her feelings. Listen, apologize again, and add, “I’d really like to be friends again…what do you think?” so the ball is in her court, Bonior says. Remember, you’re the one who messed up, and she deserves to forgive (or not) as she feels fit.
4. Suggest something fun. Once you wrap things up, there’s that awkward “What next?” moment. Sticking around can drag out the issue, so ask her to do something you enjoyed together back when your friendship was fine such as going to yoga class or getting a manicure. “Doing a familiar activity will help you get back on track so you can move forward and not dwell on the problem,” Bonior says. You can also switch gears and plan a future event, maybe a dinner or going to a party together. The important thing is that you’re focusing on your future as friends, not fixating on your past tension.
5. Let time works its magic. Don’t assume that once you apologize everything will instantly be happy-go-lucky again. “These things take time, and just because you came forward, you can’t expect her to instantly forgive you and for things to go back to exactly the way they were,” Flora cautions. If you feel that you left things a tad unresolved, it’s fine to go back a week later and check in. Otherwise just let it be-and be sure to not make the same mistake again.
I thought that the strongest feelings I have is for the previous boyfriend I had who did nothing but to take me for granted. He used to love me. But somewhere along the way, he changed his mind. I gave him everything he needed because I thought that was love. I thought that the love I should have is selfless and sacrificing, just like what the Lord did for us. But only now I understand that I am no God. I couldn’t give that kind of love.
After that failed relationship, I told myself to NEVER fall in love again. I know that if there is someone for me, the Lord will not fail in bringin’ us together. I wouldn’t search for him but instead, I want him to find me. One day I felt so depressed and prayed to the Lord that if there’s someone for me, bring lead him to me to make me understand why it never worked out with the previous one – why in spite of so much love I gave, when someone falls out of love, its never gonna make him stay. I lost everything when I lost him – confidence and belief in oneself. I thought I would never fall in love again because I couldn’t be deserving enough for anybody else. I became uglier, I looked so stressed and problematic and I didn’t want to fix myself.
But the Lord is great! I will praise Him forever because of this. He lead a person to me, someone who noticed me even when I was my ugliest. Someone stood by when even when I have nothing. I found the worth I lost for years and now I am very thankful I have him.
It was that summer I found you. But months after, when I told you this, I was so happy to have heard you say, “No, I thank God I found you instead.”
When I am in the midst of a breakup, I rarely see things reasonably or clearly. Everything is doom and gloom. I sob daily and curse the day that my then ex was born. It isn’t pretty. It is actually full of negative talk and bashing. At the time, it’s what I need to do to heal.
But that’s not all. I have a process that helps me mourn and move on from a relationship. Almost like a personal 12-step program. First, I cry. For about 24 hours I am so sad that it’s over, that I am single … again. Then I flip a switch and I am fine. We call this denial. It takes me about a week to realize that I am so not okay. As a matter a fact, I am angry. I am enraged. Let the ex-hating commence!
Soon, I feel guilty for trash-talking a man that I shared my life with and cared about, and probably still do. I go back to crying. I do a lot of thinking between sniffles. I miss him. I want him back. Why didn’t we work? What did I do wrong? What do I need to learn from this relationship so I can move on? Tears continue to shed due to reflection, not sadness. I am growing. And often times growing hurts.
The last step in my healing process is acceptance. Sometimes I feel nothing, and I am truly over it …him. It’s not so much a numbness as it is a “get over it already!” state of being. Other times it feels peaceful. It all makes sense, why it didn’t work out. No need to fight it anymore.
I wish I could skip the heart-wrenching, maddening steps and go straight to the lesson. I want to be a more compassionate ex-girlfriend sooner rather than later. How do I do that? How do you take that step if you’re anything like me? It begins with having a positive frame of mind.
Juana, a 26-year-old from Los Angeles, took her breakup in stride. It wasn’t easy. She was with her then-boyfriend for over six years. But she knew it had to end. They had grown apart, not together. She wanted more from their relationship, from him, and he couldn’t meet her needs. Yet, she wished him well and showed so much compassion. She still maintains communication with her ex. I, on the other hand, usually cut my exes off. No friendship if you’ve seen me naked, I say.
Juana suggests showing compassion by focusing on the positive. “You were obviously with this person for a reason, so focus on the good memories,” she advises. Lingering on negative feelings only brings up more sadness and anger. But it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. “There’s a reason why he is ‘the ex,'” Juana reasoned. “But keeping the negative in mind can be toxic. Move on and take the good stuff with you.”
Others feel that to be a compassionate ex is to be brutally honest. Rip the bandage off, so to speak. Grace, a 33-year-old from New York City, doesn’t want to “kumbayah” her way out of a breakup. She wants to express exactly how she feels.
“How I acted or what I said to my ex … I wouldn’t change any of it,” she admits. “I’m glad that I did and said whatever it was (no matter how hurtful it may have been) and did not keep it in. Because that is toxic.”
No matter what your approach, what truly matters is to be kind to yourself. Whatever your process, go through it and all the emotions that come up. Just take care of that tender heart.
I once said NO to love
I was always the tough girl.
Pain and experience taught me to live my life on my own. To never fall in love again.
When people ask me why, I say right back: Love won’t feed you, satisfy you or make you rich. Love isn’t practical.
No one can hurt me
Not having love in my life made me strong and brave.
Not having love means no one can make me cry and no one can hurt me again.
I was confident I can live without love. I have a successful career.
I can manage my time without having to consider someone else to date, to cuddle, to visit, to watch a movie with.
I had the freedom relationships can’t give you.
Love is for fairy tales
True love? Well, it only exists in fairy tales or the movies. In real life, love doesn’t happen just because the prince finds his Cinderella through a glass slipper. Even Sleeping Beauty snored for a hundred years before some Prince Charming stumbled upon her.
True love existed only in fiction.
Flings are real
What was real was having a fling here, a fling there and only a fling.
Substitute? I guess so.
If we’re together we’re okay but, at the end of the day, don’t expect me to call, message you or say I love you.
That’s how I lived those years believing I could live without man.
A better friend than a lover
Being courted? That was a big no. Guys asked for permission but I’d always tell them, “Dude, not me. You’re just gonna be hurt if you insist on it. I can only offer friendship. I am a better friend than a lover.” Until I met him at work. A new friend, I thought, in addition to being a colleague because he was cool and nice. I was comfortable with him, a guy I could be weird with. We tried new chow, went on adventures. He was a really good friend.
One day, he confessed that he loved me, not just as a friend but as a woman. He asked if he could court me. “You can’t,” said the tough girl in me. “I won’t be the girl you want me to be. Find someone better.” In fact, there were many other hurtful things I told him. Rejecting him and telling him off hurt me, too, because they masked the feelings I was also beginning to develop for him. But I couldn’t risk being cheated on again.
No messages, no calls, gone
I couldn’t help the tears falling but the damage was done. He was gone. I regret not giving myself a chance to be happy again. I found new work, new friends, but his face, our time together, lingered in my mind. On his part, there was silence. No messages, no calls. Gone.
My turn to win him over
Then, one day, after many months, fate brought us back together. I immediately reverted to being my usual tough girl. I wasn’t aware my rejection and the way in which I did it caused him to lose his self confidence and struck fear in his heart. Then I learned that he was interested in another girl. It was my turn to win him over. It was my turn to make up for lost time and show him how much I regretted the hurt I caused him. It was my turn to show him how deeply I’ve fallen in love with him.
And it worked.
Life is full of missed chances
We are together at last. Not just as friends but as partners, lovers, best friends—a couple. I’ve been lucky to have been given a second chance to work on showing my love. It doesn’t always work out that way. Because life is full of missed chances. So when love comes, express it, show it and don’t waste it.
Repost: From Karla’s blog
There came this time i think it was in 2004 or something that they really got into a big fight. We were on our way to Tarlac for Christmas day and the two were fighting like animals inside the car with me and my siblings inside. Gosh the DRAMA! I couldn’t believe what I saw! My parents fighting in front of US! Instinctively, I entered the scene, you know like in the movies (it was sooo coool!). I shouted at them like Will you please stop! I felt like the superhero of the world! But of course, parents’ ego, they got mad at me and continued fighting until my brother Jio cried. That was a huge smack on my parents’ faces. They didn’t want us to see that. Of course no one could blame them for being really mad at each other. They didn’t talk things out with each other. My dad was the typical I will shut up so I pass the fight scene type and my mom was the typical I will say what I feel because I’m a woman type. So yeah. They had great communication. They hid nothing from each other. They argued with each other when needed and they didn’t talk on each other’s backs. The last three sentences are all lies.
This is just one drama you can witness in the family. If not for these kinds of dramas, I wouldn’t be the person that I am now.
So I was lazy because of the drama? Ok, I’m lost. Anyway, the point is we all have dramas in life. I chose to fight! Dramas are challenges to be taken. I was physically lazy but my mind was not. All of us have lazy monsters inside us. Whispering, always. Others are lazy to act, others to think. While others are just lazy all over.
Laziness roots from somewhere deep. Laziness is not bad. Its actually a sign. An alarm. It signals us that something is wrong. I was lazy because things didn’t make sense. I was lazy because I thought life was nothing but a series of tiring nothingness. When things finally made sense to me, I dropped the lazy attitude. It wasn’t easy I tell you. Throughout high school and college I envied those who do and accomplish things without efforts. I thought I was such a LOSER because everything was sooooo hard for me.
I was a person of really bad habits. I was sooo lazy that I didn’t have good eating habits, sleeping habits, taking a bath habits, not picking your nose habits stuff like that. It was sick! I couldn’t even read for 30 minutes because I got used to staring blankly on books pretending to read so my parents won’t get mad. I had to stay on watch of myself as i studied and read in college because whenever I let my guard down I ended up daydreaming and spacing out. Sheesh! Sucks for me.
So yeah. You parents and teachers! Don’t be hard on your lazy children and students! They must be lazy for a reason. They are lazy because, maybe, something is not right. Things don’t make sense to them. So let things make sense to them. Children do think. They have minds as (or maybe even more) powerful as yours. Explain things to them. They will understand.
Mimi understands me. Mimi is a dog, a 5 month old dog. If a dog can understand, how much more a human. Don’t underestimate them because of their age. You don’t know any better. You were a child once. You should know. Age shouldn’t matter. I tried to understand so now I am understood. Now, my relationships are priceless.
Keep searching for answers yourself. Keep your ears open. If you’re not happy, something should be wrong. If it doesn’t feel right, something really isn’t right. You should be happy. Happiness is the right thing.
Respect every life. If things don’t work the way you want them to, then you should change the way you act and think. Stop doing things that have many times been proven wrong. Its by changing that we realize changes.
I’m just so grateful that things make sense to me now. I hope the same for everyone else.
Think about it. As you do, remember to start with GRATITUDE. ^_^
Karla is my friend in college who killed herself out of pressure. I was trying to view whatever memory that’s left of her and I saw her blog. I want to keep one so I had to repost it. Super sayang si Karla. She was a recording artist and even a commercial model. She was pretty and smart. I guess sometimes, pressure really kills us at some point.
Repost: From Karla’s blog
I hate it when people make plans and then don’t make sure to go with it. Its like making promises only to break it. That sucks you know! But I don’t blame people. I am guilty of this crime myself. I’m also human and I can’t be perfect even as I try so hard to. The point is to give value to things that are important.
When we make plans with other people, we should remember that they give and make time and efforts for that. Wait. Let me rephrase that. When we plan something we must acknowledge that precious resources are at stake. Time and efforts, I believe, are two (if not the most) important resources. In business, we study and make our lives out of planning. But for most people, planning is a total waste of time. Well, as a business graduate, I don’t agree that it is a waste of time. Planning is only a waste of time when it is planned not to be followed.
That is why in business, planning always comes first. Without (strategic) planning, businesses wouldn’t be as beneficial to economies as they are now. Top wealthy corporations plan their strategies and operations carefully and follow them earnestly to achieve their successes. Not only businesses, following plans is applicable to practically anywhere and anything. The moment we wake up in the morning, we plan how to go about the whole day, from what clothes to wear for work or school to the clothes we wear to sleep, effortlessly only because we are used to it everyday. Planning, we are able to go through a wholeday. Imagine if our government agencies plan everything they do properly and actually follow it, our country would be very much of a first world country! A lot of our resources are wasted because our government officials (well, most of them) don’t apply proper strategic planning in their way of living!
Indeed, planning, and actually following the plans that we make, is very vital in our very well planned lives!
May we all be grateful. ^_^